•November 9, 2012 • Leave a Comment

I wish you would walk up to me this instant at the Berkeley cafe I’m at and shout at me, hug me, kiss me, ask me what I want, tell me what you want, be my baby, my lover, my brother, my best father.

I miss you so much. I feel you all around me, I worry constantly about you. Half the time I am talking in my head to you and the other half agreeing to what you say. I love you so deeply that I don’t know what to do with all this love. I miss you so much, just so much. You are sick and I am not with you. You are the man who would drop everything if I as much as sneeze. What sort of a disgusting daughter am I, Papa, that you are so so so sick and I haven’t even asked to see you on Skype?

You don’t deserve me one bit.

Lanterns in the Rain

•August 24, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Kaya. Nayantara. Latika. Niharika. Aurora. Katia. Belle. Sabah. Kimi. Eleanor. Genevieve. Ishika. Koel. Shirin.

Cidade de Goa, fireflies and grass lights on pebbled lawns at night, the dream, the dream..that dream. It’s going to happen, amore.

Lake at Night

•August 24, 2012 • Leave a Comment

My space,  my own secret world. No curious eyes, no judgement. No compliments, no complaints. Sweet silence, soulful solitude.
I need this.

Have you ever felt this way? Like the life is snuffed out of you, like the pain has bled everything away, like happiness flew away with the rest, and all that is left is space. Infinite empty space, beautiful and hideous simultaneously in its nothingness. But if nothingness can exist, does it not automatically become something instead?

Words, meaningless letters woven into this patchwork quilt of sentences, covering my mind with a see-through vision of the labyrinthe within. I write for myself after an age, and I know not if that is because I am now my own muse.

One walk, one night and not a single thing in my heart, mind and soul is the same. A parallel universe indeed. No emotions, no pain, no love, just delicious oblivion. Time stand still. Or I will.

The mist swirls and the leaves crackle beneath my feet. Autumn has returned to bid me farewell as she stayed to welcome me last year. There is a sense of immortality in the air. Is it because I have relinquished control over maya or is it because I have cowered away from my dreams?

“Fais de ta vie un rêve, et d’un rêve, une réalité.”
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

To step out of myself is an adventure, to step into other shoes a travelogue, and to step off the cliff… air ticket.

I smell the rain approaching and I don’t want to write anymore. I don’t even want to talk to myself. Silence, oh sweet silence, how you intoxicate me.

Two Point One

•August 24, 2012 • Leave a Comment

There’s so much time, to figure out the rest of my life and you’ve already got me coming undone
And I’m thinking two is better than one..


Blank Noise

•August 23, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I want to write so much, and yet I am blank.

I shall overcome this. I shall try, try and try even more.

Write. Live. Love. Laugh.



Trance: Then, now, forevermore

•May 23, 2010 • 2 Comments

Chaha hai tujhko, chahungi har dum
Mar ke bhi dil se yeh pyar na hoga kam..

Kya yeh zindagani hai, bas teri kahani hai
Yeh jo zindagani hai, teri hi kahani hai..

They called You a drug, my addiction

I know now that You are my oxygen..

I know not the difference between dreams and reality

I know not what to say or do or think

I know not the meaning of love

I know nothing

And yet, I shy away from You

You- my Creator

You. You are all that matters anymore. You are all that mattered before.

It has always been You.

Teri hoon teri jo chahe kasam de le
Sari umar hai mujhko dard-e-judai ka sehna….

All Smiles!

•February 14, 2010 • Leave a Comment

What a long, long time it has been!

A beautiful, beautiful time one month, ten days! People, places, travel, happiness, laughter… yes, the tears came, but this time, there were gentle fluffy fingers who wipes them away. 🙂

Updates? Quick ones..

There is J, who has declared that he will no longer be in my life the way he was. *blows a kiss to the wind*

And there is T, the new entrant, who has taken my life by storm and reminded me that I am a Child of the Universe. My soul twin. Muahhh!

Plus a host of girlfriends who are challenging my belief that I can seldom be close to my gender!

A ray of Sunshine, glimmering and sweet, who moves me to tears with her hugs and unconditional love.

My stuffed lion, my mobile dispenser of free hugs!

Books books books, so many of them! Bags and accessories, skirts and perfumes!

And of course…one of my first loves is back in my life in full force, this time to stay with my soul and dance with my spirit. . .


I am never alone now. For as Ansel Adams says, ‘There are always two people in every picture: the photographer and the viewer. ‘

Happy Valentine’s Day to you, LS, and to my darling 2010- you truly make me come alive!!

Book Lovers: Introspection Time!

•January 3, 2010 • Leave a Comment

A lazy Sunday morning spent selecting books to be bought and devoured. Ordered my fill online, will hunt for paperbacks of some more in my local bookstore. Immensely satisfied, immensely excited!

Which got me thinking…I guess there are a few distinct types of book lovers… I’d like to christen the following categorization the Lilac Sakura Typology Saga (LSTS)!

The Bumbling Bibliophile

When BB was ten, he wrote that books are his best friends in all the slam books and social networking sites. A lone reader, the world of his books and that of reality are heavily entwined and it is a challenge to untangle the two. Reading profoundly affects his work and thought process, and you can be sure that his laundry continues to feel the after-effects of the deeply moving Kite Runner! The BB reads extensively and widely, but could be judgmental, hating or loving characters at first sight.

The Cult Maker

Be it Harry Potter, vampires or alchemists, The Cult Maker’s solace lies in community adoration of his favorite works. She is most likely to fawn unconditionally over the heroes and verge on tearing up the villains to shreds. Hero worship often leads to biased opinions, yet The Cult Maker feels more involved with the book rather than merely witnessing its events like the third-party Bumbling Bibliophile. Students of marketing would tend to label The Cult Maker an alpha leader in the process buzz marketing owing to the amount of influence she has in initiating a fan following.

The Shallow Socialite

Kitty parties and oh-so-hip book clubs. Coffee table books discussed over tea. The Shallow Socialite will read every single book that makes the news- Adiga’s White Tiger, Bhagat’s 1/2/3/5 ___, Brown’s Lost Symbol. This seems like a great category at first glance, but the problem lies therein: a Shallow Socialite is most likely to read the blurbs, book reviews, back cover, and a few pages randomly flipped pages. These qualify her to soundly abuse or praise the book, depending upon the prevailing national or international mood. ‘Oh, James Frey, what a cheat!’ ‘Chetan Bhagat inspired a generation, I’m sure! Why, I had remarked to Sheela when his first book came out: this man is making history!’ Whereupon the much-confused Sheela nods out of compulsion and Bhagat manages continues his undoubtedly overrated legacy. Sigh.

The Random Rambler

..will give anything and everything a chance. From sports to fiction to the not-so-appealing Wolf Hall, the Random Rambler reads randomly, and sometimes few and far in between. He reads with dedication from cover to cover, with a somber expression even while meeting Jeeves and Kushwant! Reading is not in his first few priorities, and he is likely to pick up books which catch his fancy at airport lounges. Would be more inclined than the other types to give debut authors a fair chance.

The Genre Gatekeeper

Such people stick to their chosen genres and absolutely, entirely refuse to open their eyes to the world of possibilities outside their realm! The staunch romance Gatekeeper will refuse to look at the cover of Cosmos, the scifi Gatekeeper stay miles away from Nora Roberts. While this type reflects a clear understanding of the reader’s needs and choices, it restricts his choices like the self-fulfilling prophecy of a lit candle, for Genre Gatekeepers tend to stagnate in their choices, thus defying their need fulfillment.

I am a self-professed Bumbling Bibliophile, complete with intense expressions and ‘misplaced’ pens! 😉 What type do you think you are?

And what have I missed out?!

Violet, Ink and Sand

•January 2, 2010 • 2 Comments

Being positive is a choice.

I found a really inspiring blog:

I'd like to be here... *disappears amid a swirl of stardust*

Inspiring because the photos Violet clicked are so strikingly beautiful! When somebody loves what they do, you can make out right at the first sight (it’s called peer recognition 😛 ). This one is definitely the first on my blogroll! And we seem to be anonymity siblings. Did you notice the Violet-Lilac connexion?!

A huge list of books planned to be bought at the Chennai Book Fair tomorrow. Looking forward to reading The Time Traveler’s Wife, The Idea of Justice, Cutting for Stone, Brooklyn.. I could go on and on. Maybe I should abandon all other outlets of spending money tomorrow and live @ Landmark!

My first project for Twenty10: Learn to read, write and speak an Afghani language. I have been schooling with four Afghanis for close to three years now, and I guess it is an absolute lack of initiative on my part if I do not learn something concrete from our interactions. After all, the world is my oyster 🙂

Alright, I need to get to work!

Any Questions?

•January 2, 2010 • 2 Comments

Why is it so easy to deceive people?

Can’t you see that I had been crying when you knocked on the door and told me to lunch? Couldn’t you sense me kissing you through the door after you’d gone, willing you to understand?

You spoke for close to ten minutes on the phone, couldn’t you sense that I was crying all through? Or is it that you are through with my madness and don’t care anymore?

Do you know how hard it is for me to stay away from you? Why do you use me so? Can’t you talk to me at least once without telling me to do something for you?

Why do you remember me only when you have nothing to do? Why do you promise to buy me perfumes and clothes? Do you want to pay me for those encounters, like you would a whore?

Why do you go away from me so often? You have known me from school. Why won’t you stay when I need you? Why do you remember me only when you are down? Don’t you think I would be down sometimes too? Or are you running away from me because of that very reason- that I am too mad to be sane company?

Why don’t you people realize how much you mean to me? It feels like I am wringing my heart out in sheer pain, screaming hoarse that I love you- and you do not care. When I was in the sixth grade, our counsellor told us it is no big deal if we love. It really doesn’t matter to the other person. And nobody can force love.

I withdraw into my shell so many times. I withdraw again now. The worse part is that nobody realizes it. Nobody whispers sweet nothings and deep confessions and tells me to come out because I mean something to them. Nobody.

I need so many people in my life. I yearn for so many in a million ways. Why doesn’t anybody need me? Why am I dispensable in every single relationship in my life? Why does life go on smoothly and happily for them without me when I can’t stand a moment away from so many people?

Answers. Hugs. Kisses. Love. Your hand in mine.